Sunday, September 25, 2011

boredom on a sunday nightt


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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Been a while

Oh man, I feel like the worst blogger, not that I really ever considered myself one. But when you have a life, school, and a job, there isn't much time to blog. Not to mention not depressed.. haha. I'm honestly the happiest I've ever been, for as long as I can remember. I could blame it on my wonderful boyfriend, or the fact that I'm living at home and going to school in Salt Lake.. But I think it's just because I'm content with myself, where I am, and what I'm doing. But all those other things don't put a negative spin on things. I find it ironic that a year ago I was so anxious to leave this place and find out what was awaitin' me in the land of LOGAN. But all I found was anti depressants and an urge to drink. Not saying that most of it wasn't my fault and my negativity towards it all, but it made those things a lot more real. I am grateful I moved there and got my job at ASSERT. And learned that living alone is amazing, haha. But as I sit here and right this post in my very own room, on my comfy bed, with my colorful walls and pictures of my friends and favorite artist surrounding me, I can't help but feel happy.
This summer instilled a lot of firsts for me. My first real relationship and I'm not afraid to admit but first real non drunken make out. And much more then that ;) But the fact that I waited to do these things with somebody who I really love has made them that much more special. As I was younger and looking  forward to things like losing my virginity or meeting my boyfriends family, it scared the shit out of me. But with Westin everything feels right. I feel like I've been the worst friend in the world though. I promised myself that if I were to get a serious boyfriend my friends would ALWAYS come first NO MATTER WHAT. But now that I'm in the situation I see how hard that is. Being without the person you love makes it harder to enjoy things. Even going to the store to pick up milk, or going to get gas is 100 times better with the person you love. I may just be smitten right now but I'm not that ignorant. I know that relationships aren't always rainbows and flowers. There is conflict and compromise, which we've already dealt with so far. But if you love somebody enough your willing to change the fact that your lazy to make the other person happy.. I'm not saying that I'm going to be with im forever and I want to marry him blahhdeeblah blah. I keep my head out of the clouds for the most part. But I'm saying that moving in together and getting a pug named Bagels in a couple of years if we are still together couldn't hurt right? haha. :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Life

Well it's been a minute haha. And live is pretty good :) This summer has been pretty awesome just been hanging out with friends! Sleeping and working, :) Oh and I got a boyfriend hahah. I still can't believe I have one but I really like him and we get along really well so hopefully things work out for the long term ;) Besides that nothing really new! Just excited for the rest of the summer! I wish I was partying more.. haha. Oh well. When it happens, it happens.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Myspace status


1. What time did you get up this morning?
I haven't really slept..



2. How do you like your steak?
Good



3. What was the last movie you saw?
I'm watching austin powers..



4. What is your favorite TV show?
Hey Arnold.



5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
washington



6. What did you have for breakfast?
mickeydees



7. What is your favorite cuisine?
good food?



8. What foods do you dislike?
nasty food



9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Spankies



10. Favorite dressing?
ranch or vinegrette


11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
chevy malibu! my babeh


12. What are your favorite clothes?
forever 21



13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
anywhere really.



14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
full!



15. Where would you want to retire?
somewhere with a lake



16. Favorite time of day?
night



17. Where were you born?
slc



18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
none..


19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
this ain't no myspace



20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
BLAH



21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
meth?

22. Bird watcher?
yes and caller



23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night



24. Do you have any pets?
annie and meow!



25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
i like somebody :)


26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher



27. What is your best childhood memory?
tooo much!

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
both



29. Are you married?
oh you bet



30. Always wear your seat belt?
i sure doo


31. Been in a car accident?
a couple



32. Any pet peeves?
People who hate things for no reason


33 Favorite Pizza Topping?
pineapple and olives



34. Favorite Flower?
dandelions



35. Favorite ice cream?
i don't care

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
spankies



37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
none!



38. From whom did you get your last email?
my cell phone

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit cards?
forever 21



40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
kind of!



41. Like your job?
Yes i really do


42. Broccoli?
cooked.



43. What was your favorite vacation?
sasquatch


44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
um i dunnno?



45. What are you listening to right now?
watchinggg gold member



46. What is your favorite color?
Teal

47. How many tattoos do you have?
uno!


48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
THREE MILLION


49. What time did you finish this quiz?
11:54 am


50. Coffee Drinker?
no its grosss

Monday, May 16, 2011

Summmer

Have I mentioned how much I love doing nothing? Yes well, here we go: I love doing nothing. This past week I have pretty much sat around, hung out with friends, spent money, etc! I did have a job interview and get a job so I figure I'm not TOTALLY wasting my time. ;] But! Yes! So I don't even start my job until June 2nd, SO! I still have the rest of May to just chill before I'll be working a LOT. Oh well, having money is nice. And a week from Wednesday the 25th I think,, I'm leaving to Washington! :D yay!! I'm really excited. I have been there since I was like 11 and I'm going for a four day music festival! What else could I ask for? I'll be seeing Modest Mouse for the 5th time, so I'm feel pretty happy about that. Plus I'm going with my two best friends, so uhh YES! I have a feeling it's going to be completely nuts, I hear nobody ever sleeps.. :] Great way to kick off the summer. Sadly like the next day I get back I start work but that's okay. Anyways.. Nothing new really. I've had a good summer so far, being exercising and not eating a whole bunch haha. And my tattoo is pretty much healed, it's still a little itchy. But I freaking love it. :] I'll try to write some more once stuff actually starts happening :]

Lindsay

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Tattoo

I finally got it! And it was painful.. but I handled it. Definitely the first two minutes were the worse and the it got better. I'm really happy about it though! It's beautiful. And everybody say the couple of days afterwards would be just as painful but it doesn't even hurt :) I'm just waiting for it to start peeling/itching. NOT FUN. Anyways I'll post a picture! I love it

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

1:46 am

And still not asleep. A lot has kept me up tonight.. Including moving back home in two days, my tattoo on saturday, and obsessing about a stupid boy. You would think finals would be number one in my head but they sadly fall last. I don't know if I'll miss Logan, I feel like I never gave it a real chance. I was dying to move back home the day I moved here. I will admit that moving here has made me really appreciate home and my best friends. Although it has really shown me who gives a rats ass about me. I thought that maybe at the end of my first year of college I would be one step closer to knowing who I am. But I'm just confused as ever. I have confirmed somethings about myself. Number one being I want to work with small kids. I don't know if I still want to be a 2nd grade teacher, but working with kids under the age of five is something I really enjoy. I've also learned that it's okay to seek help somewhere else. There are somethings we can't deal with on our own. If that means seeking help from a doctor, your parents, or a best friend don't be ashamed to do so. :) I may have had to start taking anti depressants to get through my first year of college but I'm grateful I was brave enough to admit to myself I had a problem. They have really helped, I can SOMETIMES fall asleep at night, I can laugh at my mistakes. I also have confidence in myself now. I still have a very low self esteem and it's going to take years to get over it. But I'm glad I've realized some of my self destructive actions that keep me from fully accepting myself. I want to blame my mom and her influence, but when it all comes down to it, I can't have her insecurities affect me for the rest of my life. I'm not the skinniest person in the world, and the only time that bothers me is when I see my mom looking at my like something is wrong. Wtf. I like eating sooo whatt? Just because she is happier being skinner doesn't mean that's how it is for the rest of us.. Blah. See? I have a looong way to go. But I can do it :) Another thing I've realized is that I like to drink. Not good right? Probably not smart to admit on my blog but it's something that is kind of scary. Especially because alcoholism runs in my family. At least I've accepted the fact that it could become a problem. But I care WAY to much about my future, future relationships, my family, and my friends to let it become a habit. I feel like I look to it as a way to become more fun and do to things that I'm too scared to do while sober. But that's one thing I need to overcome, I can't hide behind alcohol every time I want to to kiss a boy.  Sure it makes it easier and a lot more fun. But it means more when it's sober. To rely on alcohol makes me a coward. I know I'm young and everybody self medicates, but I want to do it in a safe way. I will only try to look at partying as something fun to do every couple of months, ha. Anyways about a boy, I've started something awkward in two drunken nights. One thing about alcohol is it really messes up feelings, as if they are real or false. I don't really know what I want right now, I know I hate commitment and being in a relationship. But I'm sick of feeling like I'll never being able to grow out of this fear. The only way to overcome it is to go in headfirst. :) We'll see if I'm brave enough. Okay tattoo. :) I'm so nervous. I know that I can handle the pain and the outcome is going to be beautiful. And waiting for things makes them mean that much more.. I'm grateful I have parents who understand this is what I want. And I'm glad I'm mature enough to realize that if I want to be a teacher someday and be taken seriously I can't have a huge tattoo in a relieving place. Although I don't show off my back very much, now when I do it will make it that much more special. I'm thinking that some of these things I shouldn't be talking about in a such a public place but it's really helping me clear my mind. Plus how many people actually read this blog? Not many I'm assuming. :) But I'm really happy because I got a job in SLC! I'll be doing pretty much the same exact thing I do now at the pre-school but in a private home. Speaking of which tomorrow is my last day at ASSERT. It def is a bitter-sweet feeling. I've learned ten times more things in this job then I did in any of my classes. Most importantly I've learned to be patient, which is one skill I'll need as an adult. I'm grateful I got the chance to get this experience, it can only help me in the future. Most kids I know would thank heavenly father for such a blessing,, ha! But I'm thanking myself for being a strong independent person. Moving an hour and a half away from home without any friends or family. Throwing myself into a job that I know nothing about. This has probably been the hardest year of my life, and the most stressful. But that's what college is all about right? And I'm so thankful I have had the support of my family and friends. The ones that stuck around I know our true to me. Now I just have to focus on two more finals and packing of my WHOLE freaking room. Anne is coming up tomorrow to spend the night and help me :) yay. And then on Thursday my mom is coming to help too. :) And then I'll be going home for good. Who knows if I'll finish my degree in Logan? Who cares,, for now I want to focus on what makes me happy. I don't care if people say I failed on moving out and going away for school. Life is too damn short to be a in a place that makes you feel bad. I want to look back at my college life and see it as something that made me happy. :) Yay. haha.

Anyways maybe I should try to sleep, I have to work at 9:45. Blah! Plus I didn't mean to offend anybody about the heavenly father thing, I'm just trying to make a point that I can do all this with faith in myself. :) Smell ya later.

Lindsay